Mine Games

Posted: May 19, 2015 in Serial Killers
Tags:

mine games

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FklZ-oOP94I

If you’re in the mood for “5 teens head into a remote cabin the woods” type of film, then this could potentially be your film.  Although I only gave the film a measly 2.5/5 stars, it may still be worth a watch if you like this specific sub-genre of horror.  This teen slasher comes pretty standard; characters with little to no personality, drugs, sex, alcohol, bad choices, and of course, murder.  However, this movie is a bit more than just a slasher; in a surprise twist of events, the film turns out to have some supernatural elements included in it as well.  Not exactly a ghost story, but a paranormal film.  At the beginning/middle of the film, it became extremely obvious who the killer was, which made me almost want to switch off the film.  However, enjoying myself on a rare 48-hour weekend, I couldn’t be asked to switch off the film and then start browsing for something else.  I attribute my completion of the film to sheer laziness.  In the end though, I was glad I watched the movie all the way through.  The gore was way below standard and I barely felt any element of surprise.  I wouldn’t even go as far as to say the film was scary.  Luckily, the director seemed to come up with at least a decent idea of how to make this shit movie a bit less shit: have it take place in a creepy mine.  I have to admit, the scenery of the mind was grim.  The only time the movie was eery and had a horror feel to it was during the mine scenes.  Unfortunately, that makes up only about 20% of the movie; so if you can handle a movie that’s 80% bore no gore, then this could possibly be a film for you.  I’m not exactly selling anybody on this, am I? Basically, I only watched this movie because I was in the mood to see a bunch of moronic teens get picked off one by one.  I didn’t have high expectations for the movie, so my substandard expectations were met.  There was a cool surprise twist at the end which is what even made me consider writing this movie review in the first place.  I can’t actually go ahead and recommend this one right off the bat, but like I said, if you’re in the mood for a teen slasher, this one is definitely not your average one.  How do you think this one rates amongst other teen slashers? Leave your answers in the comments!

Craziest chicks in horror

Posted: March 19, 2015 in Uncategorized

1. Although I would not consider ‘Antichrist’ to be a horror film, it is an extremely disturbing film that will leave you with a not so fresh taste in your mouth.  Gainsbourg’s character remains unnamed and is simply referred to as ‘she’ or ‘the woman’.  After losing her son tragically, her and her husband decide to retreat into the woods at their cabin known as ‘Eden’.  Gainsbourg begins showing signs of mental instability, and honestly it all goes downhill from Charlotte-Gainsbourg-in-L-001there.  Her therapist husband tries to treat her himself, but she is so far gone, he can’t even FIND the tip of iceberg that is her craziness.  Whatever women’s studies courses she is taking in school have subconsciously brainwashed her into believing women are evil and it is her responsibility to carry out the evil duties.  Not only that, but she believes she is so evil she mutilates her own genitalia (cringe-worthy scene for sure).  William Dafoe, who plays her husband in the movie, discovers little by little that she didn’t lose her mind from the death of their son, but she had been losing her mind prior.  I can’t even express how much I love this movie and how much there will never ever be a character as horrific as Gainsbourg.  As the movie progresses, we learn that she has systematically been “torturing” her toddler and that his death was way more preventable than the viewer originally thought.  Since her toddler first began wearing shoes, Gainsbourg started putting his shoes on the wrong feet in order to stint the bone growth and cause him severe dysfunction in his walking abilities.  Just being able to digest this fact alone, is nauseating. And to think it only gets worse….. We soon discover that Gainsbourg was fully aware that her toddler was able to break free of the child-proof gate she installed in his room.  The icing on top of the cake of insanity, is when we find out that during the sexual intercourse that takes place between her and her husband at the beginning of the movie, she was actually watching her young toddler climb up onto the window sill and plunge 4 stories to his death.  I’ll just give you a moment to take that all in.  Its sexual perversion and family dysfunction all in one.  And that is only half of her small family she tortures.  The other half, her husband, she hunts down as if he is tonight’s dinner.  She is just such an embodiment of pure evil, destroying everything and everyone (including herself) in her path, that she transforms into literally a monster by the end of the film.  Such a seemingly normal family is destroyed by its wife and mother.  This is scariest to me because she appears so normal in the beginning, and its hard to fathom that she has actually had this evil inside of her the whole time.

2. Takashi Miike may be one of my favorite directors out there, with his truly fucked up sense of gore and filth, so it is no surprise one of audition_xxhis characters takes the number 2 spot on my crazy bitch list.  Who could forget angel-faced Asami? At probably only 90 pounds, she looks as harmless as they come.  Her innocence, her openness, and her shyness are what initially fool the viewer as well as her current flame, Shigeharu.  As Asami begins to reveal more about her past and the abuse she suffered, the viewer finally begins to realize that the angel-face is more like the face of Satan.  This becomes the turning point and Asami transforms from poor girl you feel bad for to crazy bitch you only wish you could get away from.  Judging by her methods of brutality and torture, I think its safe to say that she absolutely hates the male species with a passion.  Laughing and giggling, she just can’t get enough of the pain she inflicts on others and her enjoyment in the torture is enough to nauseate the viewer.  Its easy to fall into her “good girl” trap, but rest assured, its not so easy to get out.

3. The character simply known as the daughter in Greek film noir, ‘Singapore Sling’ has earned herself the number 3 spot on my crazy bitch countdown.  Although this movie is not horror, it displays enough horrific acts that I want to slap an NC-17 rating on this baby.  ‘Daughter’ is the spawn of two extremely disturbed individuals who take pleasure in sexual perversion on more levels than I care to elaborate in this short article.  This bitch is ‘no’ on so many levels, I don’t728_singapore-sling even know where to begin.  This chick is just straight crazy, and I think even without having fucked up insane parents, this chick would have been just as psycho.  Fulfilling sexual fantasies with her mother, eating the guts and intestines of victims she has recently murdered, and finding it possible to orgasm while both playing with a gun and vomiting? This bitch never even had a chance.   As an audience, you don’t even know who the daughter truly is, and the daughter can’t seem to get a grasp on who she is either because she is constantly living her life through various memories and characters she has created. She is completely isolated from all social norms and can hardly even function without one of her “role-playing” personalities coming out. As the film runs its course, it becomes apparent that no amount of medication or therapy could ever make this crazy bitch normal.

4. Psychological horrors always seem to introduce you to characters that are just completely off the wall in every single way.  Marie is no marieexception.  As much as I don’t want to give away the ending, I will try to keep this spoiler-free.  Marie is seemingly normal to the audience, the other characters, and even herself.  She goes to spend a weekend with one of her college friends, Alexia, at her family’s home on a quiet farm.  A stunning string of murders in Alexia’s house, her whole family and even her dog, shows her that her and Marie are NOT alone, and they have some unwanted company in the house. *SPOILER ALERT*: Marie is the killer. I bet you didn’t see that coming…… A seemingly normal college girl kills Alexia’s whole family with her split personality in order to get closer to Alexia and have her all to herself.  Its one thing when a bitch is just straight crazy, but then its a whole different (and more horrifying) story when a bitch doesn’t even know she has a second personality, especially one that has a knack for brutally killing.  As the story progresses and Marie’s alter-ego comes out to play, you see what a creepy love-struck individual she really is.  My favorite part is the ending of the movie, when Marie finally admits her love for Alexia.  In a haunting fashion, she declares that she will never let her go.  The last scene, where Marie is in a psychiatric hospital with Alexia watching through the one-way mirror, is definitely the most eerie scene in the movie.  I may have already spoiled this movie enough, but its not til you get to the end of the film, in that last scene, where you really realize what a nutcase Marie is.
lucie5. For the fifth crazy bitch in my “Craziest bitches in horror” countdown, I have chosen Lucie from French splatterific masterpiece, “Martyrs”.  As the survivor of severe psychological, emotional, and physical abuse as a child, Lucie obviously had no chance of any type of normal adulthood, especially considering she spent the rest of her childhood in an orphanage after escaping her abusers.  She is still haunted by images and memories of her abuse and that eventually drives her to complete madness.  The hallucinations she experiences push her to insanity and she realizes she must kill her abusers.  The moment she decided to get revenge on her abusers was the moment that this bitch completely LOST IT.  I mean, here she is with a gun, brutally shooting up an entire family, all while her hallucinations are as vivid as ever.  Finally, she just reaches her breaking point and slits her own throat in front of her best friend.  Judging by the rest of the movie, it is heart wrenching to even think about what Lucie must have had to endure as a child and it becomes obvious as to how she lost her mind.

tumblr_ni0wusI1VY1s49vg7o1_540

Maybe something has been in my drinking water lately.  Maybe I am just generally in a better mood than I usually am when watching horror films.  Maybe my prayers for decent, watchable horror movies have finally been answered and slowly but surely, quality horror is making its way on to the big screen.  Either way, I was stunned that I enjoyed The Town That Dreaded Sundown as much as I did and can’t wait to tell you why you will most likely enjoy it as well.  First of all, 4/5 stars, would highly recommend NOT missing this film.  Second of all, bloody and gory sex and violence.  As much as I despise the whole “sex sells” concept, especially when half of a horror film is based around corny sex scenes rather than an actual plot, this movie came up with some creative scenes that definitely delivered a happy ending.  I have to admit, some of the scenes were a little explicit, more than that corny shit you’re used to seeing in horror. I’ll leave it at that.  However, they made for some deliciously twisted kill scenes.  The story itself was decent enough, not too much of a mindfuck.  High school girl survives brutal attack while hooking up with boyfriend in middle of woods.  Small town in the Midwest full of hicks and bible thumpers use hilariously religious cliches to stop pre-marital sex.  Everyone gets laid and then dies in brutal and original kill scenes at the hands of our masked serial killer.  Said high school girl attempts research on the history of infamous boogeyman/ serial killer. Twists and turns occur and we found out who was unexpectedly the killer this whole time.  Like I said, decent yet standard plot.  However, I loved the way it was executed and that it truly was an entertaining and somewhat intelligent scare.  Usually in horror films, I feel like I am trapped watching mildly educated characters get picked off one by one by the serial killer.  Basically, I feel like most serial killer films are just a countdown of stupid characters dying in creative ways until the only remaining character, the one with the intelligence of all the other characters combined, unmasks the killer and defeats him.  Not saying that this movie was any different, but at least I didn’t hate every single character in the movie solely based off of their stupidity.  Each of the characters put up a good fight in their murder scenes and didn’t have that corny bullshit personality that most horror movie characters have.  The kill scenes were surprisingly brutal, I even had to look away a few times because of the blood and absolute heartlessness of the killer.  I would be lying if I said that the ending had some crazy surprise twist to it.  Nothing about the movie was really that much of a thought-stealer or anything you would think about once the movie was over.  I do have to say though, that the movie was very entertaining and fun to watch.  It keeps your attention the whole time and for once, I feel like I don’t have to put up with any corny bullshit.  Actually I lied, the religious cliches are still there, but only contributed to the hilarity and the religious undertones in the film.  I wasn’t necessarily sold on this film right from the beginning,but by the end I was completely satisfied; enough that I wrote this great review and am now encouraging you to watch as well.  As usual, “share your scare” in the comments and let me know what you think of the film!

The Movie & Music Network

Posted: February 4, 2015 in News

TMMN Banner Nov25

Two years into my “career” as a horror movie junkie with a passion for writing, I am happy to say, someone has decided I am interesting enough to partner with me and help me grow said career.  The Movie and Music Network has contacted me with an exciting opportunity to review the movies on their website.  Obviously, I wouldn’t have accepted this position without giving you guys, my loyal readers, the goods.  If you sign up through me, you can get half off for the first month of using their services.  Here is a bit about what they have to offer, directly from the Director of Communications, Sonia Chopra:

 “A little bit about us – We started about a year ago… we have been called Netflix’s culty and independent step-brother … We have the same business model as the company ($5.99 a month for unlimited streaming) but we cater to a completely different audience, demographic, market , and frankly… we have 0 of their mainstream content. Horror movie enthusiasts can enjoy all we have to offer for the price of a cup of coffee and a scone every month – unlimited streaming of our network via Roku, Android, iOS and online. Currently, we are switching over to Amazon as our web-streaming service, which is very exciting!

 Lastly, we just launched another network – the 99 Cent Network – a movie superstore for people who want to buy bundles of our films to build a library of cinema. They can even share that library for free with a friend too! We have an “Everybody Wins” giveaway going on right now for 3 FREE horror movies – www.99centnetwork.com/promocode for merely going to our site – use Promo Code HORROR1. It’s something fun we have started for the new year, and a cool giveaway to those who come visit our new site.”

Basically, think of the horror movies you’ve never heard of: B-Movies, exploitation films, 1930’s-1960’s horror.  That movie that you have tried to order off Amazon but couldn’t find a single copy of it? Movie and Music Network has it. The movie that you’ve Googled hundreds of times but can’t seem to find a single link to stream it online? This website is full of them.  That weird sexploitation film that you’re too afraid to admit you secretly want to see? Hundreds of them available for you to choose from. Not to mention the other genres it has available.  I would highly recommend this website for die-hard cinema fans, lots of new films to discover and even music to check out.  Let me know what you guys think in the comments! Curious to know everyone’s opinions on the movies they have to offer.

tmmn_apps_r1_c1

Starry Eyes

Posted: January 6, 2015 in Independent Horror

11181440_det

If I could only pick one word to sum up this whole film, it would be “damn”.  Damn, that was a good film.  Damn, that was a completely unexpected turn of events.  Damn, I can’t wait to write a review on this newly discovered gem.  Because of my crippling laziness, I would hope that my one-word review, “damn” would be enough to convince you that ya, you need to see this movie.  If “damn” is not enough to merely convince, try this one for size: I’m giving the movie 4/5 stars.  To anyone who religiously reads my blog (first of all, thank you), you should know that anything above 3 stars is rare on my blog, thanks to my picky taste in horror.  However, I cannot recommend this film enough and hope that upon reaching the end of this film, you feel the same.  Overall this film was one of the weirdest and wackiest rides I’ve been on in ages. I absolutely loved the concept, if you can handle bizarre over-the-top films. The main character, whose name I forget because clearly I never pay attention to any names in films, is a struggling “actress” hoping to do whatever it takes to make it to the top.  From the beginning of the film, we can see she is more than just a pretty face and she is actually quite mad and deranged.  The casting directors which she auditions in front of display behavior that is as equally disturbing. During the course of the film, we aren’t quite sure if she is possessed by a spirit or if this disease she has contracted is merely eating her away.  Either way,this film compares to the recent horror movie “Contracted” in that she is slowly deteriorating all while she is losing her sanity.  The film continues to get weirder and weirder as she falls apart at the seams, which in turn is actually quite gruesome and gory.  This film ends with a bang as some of the most brutal scenes I have seen recently unfold in this nightmarish film.  The ending is just absolutely apeshit and makes sitting through the movie worth it.  If you find that you just aren’t enjoying the film, wait until the end comes.  I’m telling you, the crazy, blood-spattered finale is the cherry on top of this beautifully iced cake.  The acting is surprisingly good considering the cast is full of unknowns. I must admit, as much as I liked the concept of the film, I felt like it was a little too similar to the storyline of “Contracted”, another newer horror film. I want to give it points for originality, but I really feel like it copied this film a little too closely.  Other than that, this film is solid and blood-soaked.  Start your year off right with a good 4/5 star movie.  Let me know what you think in the comments!

Splinter

Posted: December 12, 2014 in Uncategorized

220px-Splinterposter08

For a movie who’s opening scene was a man getting mauled by what looked like a rabid beaver, this movie was not quite as bad as one would think.  I will leave it up to the reader to determine how bad “not quite as bad” really is.  With each scene of the movie, it actually got more and more ridiculous; a killer porcupine, a robbery gone wrong, a completely drugged out girlfriend.  Overall the movie was a pretty strange ride, but sadly, I cannot recommend this glorified piece of garbage to you.  If you haven’t figured it out already, the premise of the story is a robbery gone wrong when a lethal porcupine steps into the picture, leaving the characters all to fight for themselves while barricaded inside a convenient store for protection.  At least I can point out that the film is original, and I doubt there will be a remake, so that’s a plus, right? As if this movie wasn’t dumb enough for me to watch, writing about is actually seems to be negatively affecting my IQ.  “Why am I even bothering writing about this?”, you may ask.  Well, as usual, I am being my absolutely selfless self and stopping you from watching a movie that, as you can tell, is almost too dumb for me to write about.  Browsing through Netflix and seeing that I’ve already watched every 1-star (in my opinion) film they had to offer, I was surprised when Splinter showed up with a solid 3-star review.  On top of that, seeing as it is in my nature to judge a book by its cover (don’t judge me), I thought the movie poster looked cool and immediately decided to proceed, without caution of course.  I have the admit, at least some of the gore, violence, originality, and suspense was kinda cool.  I could have seen this movie being a solid creature feature if they wouldn’t have used a damn porcupine to do all the dirty work.  The story actually is kinda cool, but you can’t help but feel like a complete moron while watching a film about a killer porcupine.  To avoid these feelings of shame, take a detour and bypass this movie completely. Otherwise, proceed with caution………. 2/5 stars in my opinion.

The Houses October Built

Posted: November 13, 2014 in Found Footage

MV5BNTc1NTg5NTk1Ml5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTgwNjM3NzY3MjE@._V1_SY317_CR5,0,214,317_AL_

I was referred to this movie by a friend; a very reliable friend who’s horror movie opinion I trust and value.  After peeping the trailer, I was convinced that this was going to be the next greatest scare I had experienced after years of disappointing horror movies.  To make a long story short, said friend and I are no longer friends.  Just kidding, I’m being a bit dramatic.  However, I now know I cannot trust his taste in movies, as this film was a rather huge disappointment. The film looked promising.  Even though its found footage, which is a bit overplayed these days, the plot was something I’d never heard before: 4 horror enthusiasts embarking on a Halloween cross-country road trip in search of the the scariest and most frightening haunted house.  I myself have spent hours in transit to various locations, seeking out the best possible scare.  This film though, spent the majority of time in transit and only a small amount of time showing actual scares.  To add insult to injury, the movie stopped playing halfway in between and I was too tired to wait for it to load again, so I did what I do with movies I don’t give a shit about: I slept and decided to resume the film the next day.  To anybody that knows good horror, you know that you will stay up to ridiculous hours of the night just to finish a good film.  The fact that I chose sleep over finishing this movie was a red flag for me.  Although the film had maybe about 2 or 3 good scares, it was mostly pretty bland and the action was non-existent.  The characters were about as typical as they come when you have a found footage horror with a camera crew as its main characters.  You have the 3 camera guys and the 1 hot girl that doesn’t seem to add much to the film and you find yourself asking why her, or any of them for that matter, are even there.  I do have to give the film credit, in that it does toy with a truly terrifying idea about what can really make us shake in our boots when entering haunted houses.  In the film we meet a variety of weird and crazy characters who make themselves the main attractions of the haunted house.  Now if the main characters of this film would have been these people instead of the camera crew, I think the film would have been 100% better.  Many creepy and bizarre things happen in the film when they show some of the haunted houses they explore and people they meet, which may have been its only redeeming quality.  All the scares that you expect in a found footage are there, which makes this film almost difficult to watch because its just so predictable.  This film truly had so much potential.  If only the story had been told from the angle of the villains, not the camera crew, if only…….. Anyways that’s a thought for me to entertain another time.  I’m going to have to go ahead and NOT recommend this movie.  I was sucked in by the trailer and thought that it was an absolute must-see.  Turns out, the trailer is actually better than the movie; it took me an hour and a half to figure that one out.  However, if you feel that you absolutely must watch this film, I will say that the displays they put on in the haunted houses are pretty badass and bizarre, only 5 minutes of the film worth watching, hands down.  Otherwise I would recommend redirecting the hour and half that the film takes and instead spending that time to visit an actual haunted house. Who knows, maybe it will be the scare of your life……… Comment below with your thoughts if you have seen this film. What is the scariest haunted house you’ve ever been to?